Now in Chicago

Return To Door: Day Two, The iPhone Boys Arrive, and the Rise of PNNN

The night before proved to be a little too much for Tantric Ninja, as he did not roll out of bed until early afternoon.

After our usual breakfast at Al Johnson’s, PH and I decided to hit the deck again and soak in some more sun. Tip; don’t fall asleep on your stomach without putting sunscreen on your back; I fried my back, and had two endure two days of stingy pain. As PH spent most of his time on the deck writing his resignation letter, I lay in my boxers and took in the nature around me, pesky bugs and all. All the while, Tantric Ninja lay snoring away the day; most likely texting his lady during sudden awaken moments, and then hiding his phone from capture.

Soon the iPhone boys would be arriving and playing with their new mechanism all day. CB, aka the Mole, was in one of his moods (not a good one) as he was having difficulty registering his phone, thus useless. Meanwhile, Jesse James was showing us all the cool stuff the iPhone could do; we felt like little kids, playing Atari’s Stampede for the first time. Soon, Tantric Ninja awoke, the iPhone boys put their toys away, and we got together to develop the nights game plan, although we had a pretty solid idea of what was in store.

Crack an egg into the hamburger meat
I took on the duty of preparing dinner. I was afraid to admit that I had not much experience getting a coal grill going, and my ignorance shined as I just threw the coals in, added some lighter fluid, and dropped a match. I was not aware of the pile effect, not dousing the fluid for broad burning capabilities. Luckily Jesse James came over to help and soon the grill was ready.

I decided to put an egg into the hamburger meat. I had heard about it once before, but had yet to try. Everyone noticed something odd with the consistency of the burgers, and bitched accordingly, exclaiming that I did not know what-the-hell I was doing. I remained calm, confident in my culinary exploits, and eventually delivered phenomenal burgers, in which all enjoyed with much delight! Now that our stomachs were full, time to hit Gordon Lodge!

Once again, Gordon Lodge provided an amazing venue for the sunset. CB thoroughly enjoyed the experience and commenced in taking photo after photo. Jesse James, meanwhile, shared his new iPhone will the patrons around the bar; oohs and ahs decorated the mood inside.

Although we got invited to an outdoor Reggae party, we decided it was a slight bit too cold to venture to an outdoor fiesta, besides, there is a good chance of underagers and we were not apt to reliving our high school daze. Off to JJ’s again.

JJ’s was, walk in, walk out. Since Husby’s was such a blast, we decided to hit it up again. As soon as we walked in, the bouncer said with a smile, “No stool throwing today boys.” Ha! We agreed ordered some grub, some drinks, put in $20 of juke box songs, and got some quarters for the pool table, where Tantric Ninja and I proceeded to demolish everyone who dared challenge the Maine boys. After a number of RBV’s and pool games, we decided to cause some trouble. Tantric Ninja become best buds with the owner and deemed it necessary to celebrate with shots, and then some more shots, and then topped it off with a couple of more shots. Either he was in search of tantric enlightenment through soco sours, or had indeed let the fresh air get the best him; regardless, the ninja was pulling out all of his swords. Meanwhile, Jesse James was building quite the rep, and earned a new name, PNNN, “Phone number? No? Next. He was like Balboa in search of a new frontier. While Jesse James was hitting on everything that walked, Scott getting chummy with the owner, CB, who knows, PH and I were thinking it was time for a new scene; why not Sister Bowl?

Ever wonder what a mix should be outlawed; late night bowling after a plethora of RBVs and soco sours. Sister Bowl proved to be the venue for this poor mix. Picture this, CB keeping score for Tantric Ninja, PH and I, while Jesse James is sitting at the bar wondering what happened to himself. Soon, through my lack of skill, I decided to join Jesse, and just in the nick-of-time, as bowling turned to full-contact bowling, and I knew I would get carried away with that.

After many laughs, tons of gutter balls, and some strange conversations with the locals, we decided to call it a night. Suddenly, we her, “Get away from us,” and see Jesse James giving it one last shot. Through the corner of my eye I saw Scott talking on his phone and felt it necessary to steal it away and ramble sweet nothings into the receiver. Soon, phone in hand, Tantric Ninja was dousing me with his beer and I laughed like a little girl, and joined in, emptying the contents of my beer all over him. How we walked out with our beers I have no idea, but this I know, there is nothing like ending the night with a shower…OFF TO DAY THREE

Return To Door: Day Three, hide your phone

Boys will be boys. PH decided to grab my phone and read my text messages from the night before. Uh oh, I new I should have deleted my outbox. Upon his declaration of my momentary weakness on the night previous, Tantric Ninja collapsed to one knee and bellowed like he just heard the funniest joke ever told. I, on the other hand, crumbled in embarrassment. But, soon found the humor and quickly turned my thoughts revenge; although it will be tough because PH is the text master and rarely allows moments of weakness stride from his finger tips into a potentially embarrassing text. Let’s get past that shall we?

Day three was more rest and relaxation. We lounged around the compound, soaking up more sun, and soon decided for some water sports. Tantric Ninja and I decided that going for a canoe jaunt would be nice, and maybe even a dip in the lake. We were far from reality with that idea. I swear the canoe must have been jinxed because keeping that thing steady was like taming a wild horse. You would think that we would have turned back when we flipped the thing twice before even paddling once, but then again, Maine boys were never known for listening to reason or logic. After two tips, we finally managed to get out into the open water. Our goal; go to Gordon Lodge, park the boat, and go for a swim. Soon we realized after many close calls to tipping the wild horse of a canoe that we should resign to returning back and abstain from any embarrassing moments.

Back at the ranch, the horse tied back up in its stall, the group decided that tonight would be a low key night, so PH took us to a spot right on the water on the other side of North Bay. The name of the restaurant escapes me, but the location was spectacular, food was mediocre.

We ended the night around the fire, while CB remained in the house studying (supporting his dreams of being a rich I-banker) and talking on the phone his lover, and deemed it necessary to divulge all aspects of the trip to her, Man Card violation, then again CB has had so many Man Card violation he may not even be a man anymore; not his fault though, he is a late bloomer. Not much more to report…the night was spent around the fire shooting the breeze…THE FINAL DAY

Return To Door: Day Four, PH won’t leave

I think PH used to get in trouble for making a mess or something. It took us hours to get him to be satisfied with the status of the houses. Hard core cleaning would not suffice, ultra, super hard core was needed, which is understandable, as I am a big believer in leaving it better than you found it. Alas, PH was stalling; he did not want to leave his beloved Door. PH was afraid of the nostalgic cloud that would form around his essence if he left too soon.

Finally, we reached the time to escape back to Chicago. While I love being in the country for a stint, I always look forward to returning to the Windy City. All the fresh air in the world does not measure to the feeling of being in Chicago.

• Highlights of the Return to Door;
• Being recognized for my air guitar skills
• Tantric Ninja tossing bar stools
• PH moving to Pabst
• iPhone demos
• Gordon Lodge bartender macking on us
• Gordon Lodge owner treating us like celebs
• X-treme bowling
• Beer shower
• CB song selection at Husby’s
• Hanging with the locals
• Tantric Ninja getting chummy with Husby’s owner
• Discovering the mole
• Tipsy canoe

Gordon Lodge, Door County

The finest place (and most historic) to grab a cocktail, appetizer, or dinner is Gordon Lodge on North Bay. Belvedere and sunset at Gordon’s is the best way to start a night when visiting Door County. Nestled on a wooded peninsula, Gordon Lodge has been a staple of northern Door County for decades, and attracts visitors from all over for its beauty and relaxing vibe. With 130+ acres of resort property Gordon Lodge offers great amenities for families, singles, and couples alike. And, there hometown attitude helps patrons settle in and soak in the ambiance that encompasses North Bay.

Learn more here: GordonLodge.com

Door: MDW, Rest and Reflection

Day Three: Time for Rest and Reflection
I have a difficult time sleeping in, and although I did not get to bed until 7 AM, I was up by 10 AM. I immediately went outside to stare down the lake that almost swallowed me…I will conquer you someday! Laughing to myself, I returned to the house, making enough noise to wake hibernating bear, but my buddy failed to rise from his deep sleep. I was going to have to wait it out, as I knew my friends in the other house would not be getting up anytime soon. Besides, this gave me some alone before the storm of heckling.

Much of today was us as a group relaxing and reflecting on the antics of the night previous. Through that night we discovered a lot about ourselves, let’s call it the Door County Effect. Although I would love to divulge into some specifics of our reflections, I have to maintain my integrity and adhere to the law, “What happens in Door stays in Door.” One must go through the Door experience in order to share in the tall tales of past.

Door Highlights

• Seeing our host in the boondocks: I always tought of H as a city boy through and through, but to my surprise he was quite apt in the wilderness. As well, it was great to see how much he loved Door County.
• Seeing the Mole build a fire: the mole sure could build a fire. I guess I should have not quite the cub scouts.
  Sunset at Gordon Lounge.
• Meeting Ted: the best part of the trip was that we got to get to know each other better. Taking us out of the city and tossing us in the woods left us to great conversation.
• The nostalgia: being a Maine boy, I miss the county from time to time, and it was great soak up the air and the sights.
• Falling in the drink: nothing like a near-death experience to keep you honest.
• Sister Bowl: we had a blast and took over the bar…
• PF taking down Ted in a wrestling match: then Ted taking down me.
• Jesse making the rounds with the girls.

Fourth of July in Door County is coming soon. Also look for individual reviews of the local spots.

Door: MDW, Stay Out of the Drink

My paddle remained solid in the beginning. I have had much experience with Sea kayaking, but for some reason (perhaps it was the fact that I was out all night) I began having difficulties maneuvering with balance through the chilly wet. As well, we thought it would be a good idea to bring a beer for the trip. This proved to be a variable in my demise, as I was not able to keep the bottle balanced between my legs (I was told later about a cup holder.). Another smart idea I had was to bring along my phone, perhaps I would have a great photo opp!

As you can probably guess, I was destined to tip my kayak and plunge into the icy bay. But, of course, I decided to go fast and sprint towards the middle of the bay, far from the shore. The following is a thought-by-thought discourse;

1. Oh shit, its cold;
2. Oh shot, I’m done;
3. Yell for help; I scream like a little girl, “Help”;
4. Damn it’s cold;
5. Hurry up and save me;
6. The shore looks way too far, we need a boat;
7. Finally, help has arrived;
8. Damn, it’s cold;
9. What? No, I can’t get back in this damn thing;
10. Leave my flip flops;
11. Uh oh, my phone is done;
12. Okay, we can do this;
13. Damn, it’s cold;
14. Alright, hold on tight, my buddy will bring me in;
15. What a stupid idea to go kayaking tonight;
16. Hurry up;
17. The shore is like miles away (not really, but it sure looked far);
18. Okay, I am calm, but damn this water is cold, good thing I wore my fleece;
19. Why is my buddy laughing, this is serious, prick;

After bring in the water for an hour, we finally make it to a shore, but not by the property. I scanned my surroundings as my body shivered aggressively. “You have to get back in and kayak back,” demanded my friend. “No way,” I continued to look around, but there was no where to walk; I had not shoes, and my feet were killing me and bloody from manipulating my way to the shore. “I can’t do it. There needs to be another way,” I continued, realizing I was acting like a wimp. “We have no other choice, you can do it,” my friend shared. “Okay, gimme a minute,” responded. “Alight, let’s do this.” My friend suggested I take of my wet top and take his dry one. Picture this, I weigh 240, wear an XL-XXL top, my friend weighs 160 soaking wet, most likely wears a girls size. It must have been quite a funny site with me in his fleece.

So, I made it back, still shivering as I stripped down to jump into a warm shower. Although I had hyperthermia, my biggest concern was how my friend was going to brag that he saved. And, he is known for embellishing the facts to make himself look better. So, I knew I was in for a rash of crap when we got around to describing the events. Quickly, my mind let this fact go and soon drifted to dreams of being cozy in my bed...REST AND REFLECTION

Door: MDW, Boys will be Boys

Boys Will Be Boys; doing it Door County style
Feeling keyed up, and not wanting to end the night too soon, we initiated some good old fashioned wrestling time; plastering grass stains all over our nighttime best. Aware that wrestling was not the best solution to calm the hyper cloud, we decided to grill some burgers (it is now 4 AM). Sounds like a great idea, right? Who knows how the burgers came out, but after a couple of grill burns and some more stains; we decided to call it a night, but not before “Ted” wanted to confront a couple of us about his broken camera. Looking back, it was quite funny, but in the moment, “Ted” was miffed about his malfunctioning camera, and needed to get to the bottom of it. I implied some soothing tactics and was able to get “Ted” to hit the hay. With “Ted” sleeping soundly, our host and I receded to our ever-inviting rooms. Sprawled out with the sun coming up, I heard a few words I did not want to hear, “Let’s grab the kayaks, the sunrise will be awesome.” I replied, “Are you serious? I am beat.” After some back and forth, I decided his idea was brilliant; got dressed and headed out to grab the kayaks. Our host grabbed the life jackets, which I immediately interjected, “we don’t need those.” But, come to find out I would a floating device…STAY OUT OF THE DRINK

Door: MDW, The Rise of Ted

Dressed to impress, and a few drinks deep, we ventured off to tear up the town. The evening began at JJ’s, a local Mexican restaurant that served as a great starting point. We soon made friends with the locals and learned of a great night spot, Sister Bowl, but we did not concede until after consuming some of the local favorites…when in Rome.

The King of Air Guitar
We lucked out, Sister Bowl had an 80s cover band strumming killer tunes of my high school days, and soon I was the focus of the crowd as I left myself and became the King of Air Guitar. During my continuous deed, “Ted” started to rise. Ted is an alter ego of a friend of ours whom we had never met. This friend is usually quite mellow, but after a few pours of apple schnapps, he slowly became Ted; a not-so-mellow lad that quite the opposite of our friend. All the while, our host continued to spread the rumor that I throw people out of bar windows, which is quite funny considering that I have never done so, but because of my size, many of the patrons believed his chirp. Soon, we found ourselves in a potential situation, and decided perhaps it was best to return back to the property, and make sure that the bonfire was still roaring...BOYS WILL BE BOYS

Door: MDW, Day Two

Day Two: The Resurrection of Folgers Instant Coffee
Our host had bins and bins of Folgers instant coffee; reminded me of past experiences in the wilderness where coffee was a necessary staple, and Folgers was always the brew of choice. The coffee proved useful as I was not used to sleeping in such clean air and my body was slow to rise from my deep relaxation, but all the while, my eyes were eager to soak in the landscape. The properties (three, two-bedroom houses) rested on North Bay, a few stone’s throws from Lake Michigan. Although the bay has been receding for the past few years, the pristine water gleamed bright, unlike Lake Michigan in Chicago.

After breakfast at Al Johnson’s (they have a grass roof with goats on it), known for its authentic Swedish cuisine, we did the tourist thing; checking out the local shops and inspecting the luxurious yachts in the marina. Soon there after, it was time to head back to the property and soak up some sun, start a bonfire, and grill out.

The Bonfire
After my failed attempt to create a successful fire, our host jumped in and created a roaring blaze, while I was left to gather wood. Soon, I was mesmerized by the ever encompassing scorch; and storytelling commenced among the Chicago Five. Gathered around the fire, overlooking the fresh bay views, cooking over open flame, we felt like men of old, long before the amenities of modern urban life, and shared tales of our youth; nothing like a campfire to inspire a verbal diatribe among men. Our nostalgia soon passed however, and it was time to check out the nightlife in Door County…THE RISE OF TED

Door County: Memorial Day Weekend, the rise of Ted

The five-hour trek up North to Door County proved to be an adventure of cumbrous proportions. The Chicagoan crew was not yet aware of what conditions lay ahead at North Bay. The best way to deliver the legion is through a daily log;
Day One: The Arrival We arrived in the early evening, chose our domiciles, and met in the main house, Water’s Edge. We all looked forward to the morning so that we could fully appreciate our surroundings, yet it was distinct that we were now in fresh air land, unlike our Chicago home. Tired and cramped from the long trek (5 hours in a small car is not very conducive for high spirits.), we decided to play Monopoly…Ha! Five city slickers hanging out in the woods playing Monopoly, but this proved to be an enlightening experience, as each of our personalities shined during the entire game. Soon, the game had ended and it was time to lay to rest as we had some serious relaxing to do over the next few days...DAY TWO